I have no clue who I am- Help me figure it out.

https://twitter.com/anonymityzen420 Im female, I have four biological children, one of which I gave up for adoption many years ago. I am on my third marriage. (This time it’s finally right-when they say you’ll find your soul mate, it’s true!)

I have been in pretty much any situation that you could think of. Ive been abused, molested, beat, manipulated, cheated on, arrested. Ive overcome an eating disorder, had major surgeries, lost an extreme amout of weight, relocated cross country 4 times.

Ive lived my entire life being told who to be, how to think, how high to jump. I would give someone the shirt off my back, I care about world issues, I believe in God and in Heaven and Hell.

I homeschool my children, Im faithful, I believe in putting my family before anything else.

I got diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome ,and subsequently cervical cancer. I’m sick ALOT, and very scared. I’ve been trying to take a breath in between doctors appointments, school lessons, work and raising self-sufficient children. This has been both the hardest thing to do- because for the past 32 years Ive been guided on a fucking leash at some point. I’ve never been left to my own devices so to say.

Now I’ve found myself with an extremely supportive, amazing husband who basically says- DO YOU. Everything I do he walks besides me instead of behind me pushing, or in front of me tugging.

Sure I still have the normal amount of people trying to do this. My MOTHER, my family, judgmental acquaintances, fucking SOCIETY. But as for THEM, guess what? I just realized( like a damn epiphany) that THEY DONT MATTER.

They don’t fucking matter when it comes to being true to ME. Only I matter. I’ll die alone and leave the memories, lessons and relationships that I myself mold and shape.

If I’m doing what everyone else wants or expects- Then what I leave behind is fucking FRAUD.

I wont submit any longer.

And I don’t have to. I’m finally in the situation to flourish and bloom. And I’m going for it.

Anonymously any ways. Yep. The truth is, I may be completely free in my mind now, but Im STILL a parent. I still have a professional image that needs to be maintained, and a sense of self dignity.

I cant just open my mouth and let the real me stream out. I’ll have to take baby steps. In this blog I will find my salvation. Freedom.

In anonymity comes freedom to be who you are. So, here I am. Hi.

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